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Thursday, October 30, 2014

FROM FRYPAN TO FIRE:THE CRAZIES ARE ABOUT TO GET CRAZIER ((My Bizarre Experiences with Churches and Law Enforcement People Part 4)

With Hillsong came even more demented behaviors.  In church, it was just limited to people following me around unnecessarily; really attractive Hispanic girls psychotically parading in model like fashion in an attempt to imitate/compete with me(a most distressing/disturbing behavior that will become a norm even after I left NY); or people following me to restroom  or strategically having Australians next to me in the restroom; or people constantly talking about weddings around me. I got the same annoyingly unusual attention that makes it look like something was going on.  The freakishly giant worship leader also mentioned how he was single during one of his first visit/sermon to the church even though he suspiciously wore a wedding band. 

It was also during this period that I started blogging and even crazier people were sent by my stalkers in between services. There was also some person sitting around me at Starbucks strangely listening to my conversations with people every Sunday.  I recall one guy watching my phone as I decided to follow a few of the leaders of the church on twitter. After that Sunday, I noticed the stalkers started using these leaders to tweet things to screw with my head.  Anything the leader does on twitter is replicated anytime I went to church.  They will have people in a car around me imitating the same things so I will think it is the Hillsong people following me around. Also, there were so many vulgar behaviors on my Sunday commute; from Caucasian men grabbing their private parts as I am walking to church, or a woman doing explicit sexual things with a guy  trying to get my attention  in the car next me on the highway as I commute to church from Long Island; or people deliberately driving in front of me with a license plate that says “My Bride” anytime the giant worship leader was visiting.  There was also a time that I blogged about a creepy predator at Target and how I saw a cop car afterward, the blog is titled” Are you Protected?; after the blog, the worship leader tweeted about how some people  deserve to be afforded the best protection(paraphrasing).

The library I visited numerous times before Hillsong came to town now suddenly also had a freakishly tall guy just like the Hillsong guy most times I visited or they will have a tall guy talking to a black girl at the CVS on my way to the Library. The Hispanic neighbors across will also strangely release their caged dog most Sunday mornings as I get into my car to go to church.  It was also during that time that my privacy was seriously getting violated.  Everything I said in my apartment was responded too by the Hillsong pastor every Sunday!  I recall there was a time I said how idiotic/ungodly the pastor was in the privacy of my apartment, afterwards, I went outside and this Hispanic guy yelled some profanity at me in response to what I said about the pastor.  This became a most distressing norm right before I left NY and afterwards in California/Nebraska.  The pastor also responds to things I say/did the previous day randomly during his sermon.  This was consistent every Sunday!  

It was also during this period that the craziness came to  my job.  Prior to Hillsong coming to town, I was thinking of going to law school just because my job as the Housing Coordinator was getting less busy and I knew there was no opportunity for career growth.  I was reluctant about it due to the cost, plus I was yet to see the benefit of  my costly MBA , probably because I was in the wrong organization.  No one at work knew what was going in my personal life, but people at church may know since I was usually studying for the LSAT at Starbucks in between services. Plus, I mentioned it in the privacy of my apartment.  A day before taking the LSAT;  I was “coincidentally” directed by one of the “female” VP’s  to cover for this receptionist girl at our Dialysis center. I felt insulted, but I thought maybe this door may open a better opportunity in the future.   That was the first time that I started noticing the same familiar deranged behavior at work.  Prior to this, I worked with three girls who would sometimes exhibit the familiar gossiping, unnecessary competition, attention seeking drama, and the antagonistic characteristic of women sent by my stalkers, but I never pay attention to them. I also had an office and could easily close my door to avoid being part of such unprofessional behaviors.  However, it was never as alarming as it was in church and never really connected it.  

However, it was at Dialysis that I started noticing the same familiar psychotic behaviors. I recall this male Hispanic Medical tech calling me ugly and another black female medical tech presumptuously asking  me about some sexually explicit item she thought all women have.  While I really did not mind the patients so much, but the workers were so unprofessional!  They were the kind of people I would not want to be associated with in anyway.  The job itself was not terrible; it was better than doing nothing, but it was not what I wanted to do.  Plus, it was not doing any justice for my education, skills, or background.  The girl I was covering for was pregnant and "coincidentally" married to an Hispanic cop.  She was nice and lovely, I had no problem with her. The Indian nurse manager and British Department head were also somewhat likable. The girl’s husband and his work partner once visited the center.  I rarely paid attention to the two cops as I generally do not pay attention to men like these.  In fact, I never notice cops. Apart from criminals, the only time most normal people notice cops is if they were pulled over for a ticket. 

After a few weeks, I went back to my old office, but thing had changed.  I was coincidentally moved out of my office to an open space in our department suite. I felt that I was coming to the end of an era at the hospital since there was no career growth opportunity. Plus, I noticed everything I said in my apartment was responded too at work.  I recall passing by the Engineering/maintenance suite and someone responding to something I said that morning in my apartment. I was asked during that period to help with reconciling payroll for another department, a duty I welcomed heartedly because it was accounting, something I studied in school and wanted to get back into, but that assignment was short lived. 

Then I started noticing people talking about Australians and other behaviors I saw in church.  There was a manager from the nursing office who suddenly took interest in me and would strike up random personal conversations.  She also sometime talks about wedding, having babies, and other nonsense I did not care for, but was polite enough to participate.  She also exhibited some of those familiar behaviors.  I was invited to have lunch with some co-workers from work at a restaurant; there was a girl at work that I never cared for that was telling me she was getting married to some musician, and things were getting uncomfortably personal with people that I did not have anything in common with, but always maintained a professional relationship with. I also started noticing groups of people (mostly men) waiting outside of work for me to get into my car just like church.  Also, there were really disturbing behaviors when I visited my doctors for my yearly check up. I also started noticing a few grotesque men in their forties, fifties, and generally repugnant middle age men following me around.

I was then demoted  to the nursing office  where they had medical secretaries working.  I also had to report to a most insecure, unprofessional, and just acerbically rude woman with a lot of issues.  Things I said in the privacy of my apartment were responded too by my fellow co-workers at the nursing office.  I also started noticing a few people from work at church on Sundays.  If my co-workers were reading my blog, that was definitely not my intention, these were people that I was morally incompatible with and definitely did not care to know outside of work. Most readers of my blogs and eaves droppers at my apartment were morons as they tend to really misunderstand what I was saying. Things were taken out of context.  I had nothing in common with these people.  Something I jokingly asked one of my Jamaican co-workers at the nursing office became the symbol for the psychological attack used by my stalkers till the present day.   The crazy drama at church now came to work.  A guy from Virginia Beach once come into the nursing office, who went on and on about a patient who was  a relative. I also started noticing a lot of young adults coming into the office as if I was to serve as some kind of role model.   Pretty much the same behavior that I was used to from people I met at Starbucks/church sent by my stalkers.

People were consistently calling me to show them vacant hospital apartments during my lunch break in an attempt to get me to come outside. They started using the nurses that lived in the houses for the same senseless drama that I use to get only in the city.  The nurses started calling about really unusual things.  A Puerto Rican male nurse called that he was been bullied by his overweight female roommate just to get me to give the expected Christian counsel/compassion or an Indian nurse calling about a used condom in her apartment.   I also had some “ coincidentally” unusual people now interested in seeing the apartment; a student nurse from Boston, an Indian Australian nurse, a middle age doctor from NJ.  My new manager was also more concerned about irrelevant things.  She had a problem with my skinny pants, she did not want me involved in the apartment conflict resolutions that I done for years even though she was clueless about my housing job.   She also knew all the awful things I said about her in the privacy of my apartment.  This obviously caused a lot of tension for me at work.  It was one of those days that I said something about her in my apartment that she called me into her office to complain about one of her usual irrelevant things, but she also somewhat mentioned some of the things I said about her in my apartment. It was the last straw for me as I marched into the nurse recruiter’s office to let her know that I could not do this anymore.  I gave my two weeks notice and I honestly thought/hoped  that would be the end of my relationship with that job, but boy, was I wrong!


I really was not sure what I wanted to do, but I knew that I could not work under such conditions. I recall telling people at work that I may decide to start a business, go to law school, but what I really wanted was to get back into accounting.  At my exit interview, the blonde HR manager kept asking if I was sure that I did not take anything that belonged to the hospital. Now, I wonder how she knew that, did she overhear me talking about the sticky note pads I took in the privacy of my apartment that morning; was she stalking me outside of work and noticed I took an office supply; or did she just have a psychic power; the future will tell a different story.   The craziness that followed after quitting my job and led me out of NY will be the subject of my next post.

Wednesday, October 29, 2014

A PECULIAR PATTERN OR TACTICS OF A SICK MIND ((My Bizarre Experiences with Churches and Law Enforcement People Part 3)

So, I decided to switch to a church filled with people with even lesser integrity.  I went to Hillsong church during my graduate program and just really loved their music.  Even then, in my mid twenties, I thought the members were far from what “real”Christains are, but I thought the worship leaders/pastors would at least be more upright.   However, just  like their music and church services, it is all a show just to draw crowds.  They are like a ghetto shallow public pool, after swimming in it, you will just come out covered in urine/filth.

Like most abusive people, my stalkers had already collaborated with Hillsong on why I left and in the nature of abusive bullies, they intend to even take their distressing behaviors to the next level regardless of how I feel about it. (A pattern you will see even more after I left church and moved to Nebraska)   They also intended to prove that I was the one with the problem even though they are the one with the psychotic need to follow me around.  I recall one of my first visits to Hillsong life group in NYC, I parked on a street after observing all the rules, but I was the only person who got a parking ticket on that block.  Someone was not really in favor of me going to that church and would do a lot more to make my stay there unbearable. 


The stalkers were  able to get more access to my life with the dumb and dumber leaders of Hillsong NYC.  The first few months there, I notice the same group of people from Time Square church still lingered around Starbucks or parks as I am sitting around waiting for services.   I also noticed the same disrespectful behaviors from young male members of the church, but they used mostly psychological mind games with members of Hillsong. They assumed again that I liked this Hillsong giant looking worship leader due to  my fondness of Hillsong music/church. I even blogged about them time to time just to encourage their church planting as any good Christian would.  However, in the nature of my stalkers, as in the past with anyone they falsely assume I may be interested in, they use that person to exhibit that same familiar disrespectful behaviors/unusual coincidences.

I recall they had this Jamaican girl hanging out with me all the time who had some kind of close relation to the Hillsong people, they made it look like she was sent by the Hillsong people; or they may have an Australian stand behind me in line to the church knowing I will most likely talk to this person; or they will have people tell me I sound Australian  ( a most strange statement that NO ONE  ever said to me  before Hillsong  came to town, or I will make  a great pastor’s wife;  or they will have  people from Australia sit next to me at Starbucks, and just numerous other things just to screw with my head for fun.   Before I get into that, let me show the typical pattern of coincidences/ screwing with my head habits of these stalkers

I had gotten an apartment thru craigslist, a website that my stalkers use extensively to control everything I did.  The first apartment I moved into was in Bayside, NY.  This horrible apartment was owned by this Hispanic woman.  There was a girl from Times Square Church that visited me often at the apartment, a typical behavior from this church where they send all kind of people that I have nothing in common with to befriend me.  The girl was use then to screw with my head about this Eastern European male model from church who I did not find appealing in anyway. She will constantly say things indirectly relating to this kid. To give you a few examples of planted coincidences, the only cheap guy I found on craigslist to put together my IKEA furniture for the apartment was Eastern European.  A few months to moving to this apartment, I had gone to Barcelona for vacation, I recall a group of Eastern Europeans young guys on the train I took from Barcelona airport to my hotel; I recall walking around Barcelona and running into a few Eastern European kids. While taking a rest on a bench on one of those shopping area streets, I recall a group of Christian girls dressed in one those  Mennonites/Amish  like outfits coming over to ask if I will like to hear more about Jesus. 

Afterwards, I noticed a clothing store a block from there where  the owner strategically put a men’s Calvin Klein brief package  that had the picture of the Eastern European model from church. (It was suspiciously the only package on the window).      I came back to NY a few days later and when I landed at  JFK , there was an Hispanic guy from Times Square Church waiting as I came up to the stairs that leads to LIRR. I remember him oddly telling me that there are a lot of people that will make good husbands at TSC.  It was also during this trip that my bank card which I used in Rome a year before did not work.  Apparently, they had changed their policy and you now need to inform the bank when traveling abroad. My mother who was always under the control of church and I am not a fan of in any way strangely called me in my hotel room to save the day. 

 I decided to move out of my  Bayside apartment  a few days after I got a very suspicious phone call while in church that there was a sewer leakage   I moved out a few days later after I got another emergency call from the Hispanic landlady.  I had no choice but to move in quickly with the first person I found on craigslist.

 I moved to Queens village with this filthy/ghetto Haitian girl who had two kids with a Puerto-Rican guy and was now dating this Italian guy who looked like a crack head and smoked all the time!  Needless to say, it was a most uncomfortable situation anytime the guy was around. Plus, the kids were just the most undisciplined brats!  I could not wait to move out. I recall her Italian boyfriend was always  asking why a pretty girl like me did not have a boyfriend.  He wanted to fix me up with his friends who I Imagine were as repulsive as he was.  I did my best to keep my distance from these people. My car window was suspiciously broken and my navigator was stolen a few days after moving with this girl. It was around the same time that I got a phone call from this Chinese lady while I was going into church one Thursday night.  Since I just moved, I was really reluctant to check out the basement apartment she had in Long Island where I use to live and work, but I checked  it out anyway.  The Chinese lady was very manipulative, she kept telling me how she was depressed, about her horrible husband, her ungrateful son/daughter in law, her financial problems, and   how it will be a blessing for someone to rent the apartment.  The typical manipulative behaviors of people sent to me by my stalkers. Like a good Christian, I fell for it.  I thought this woman could use my encouragement. She also told me about this cop that just moved out of the apartment. She said he just got divorced, he was so depressed, he use to work for the Suffolk County PD, but he now took a  job with NYPD . She kept telling how pretty I was.  So, I decided to take the apartment as long as she removes the triple X painted on the front door.  I didn’t think too much about the cop since he already moved out.  That decision turned out to be one of the worst decisions I ever made.   I also told the woman I was  going  to Greece for vacation the following week and I will move in when I get back. 

I almost missed my flight on the day I traveled to Athens, the TSA woman almost wouldn't let me on the plane, but then she suddenly changed her mind like a sick joke.  In Greece, I noticed the same stalking behaviors from strangers, but this time it was really creepy and scary.  I recall a guy following me for hours one time when I was sight seeing, I started panicking, but  I notice an Athens cop car drove by and I waved to him to stop.  I pointed out the guy following me around, but then the guy just ran away afterwards. The cop told me he would make sure no one follows me.  I also recall taking a few pictures of a group of Athens cops dressed like soldiers  just for memory, but the cops came over, took my camera, deleted the pictures, and said I could not take pictures of them. The group of cops said something suspiciously vulgar in Greek, and acted as if they knew or at least know of me. 

A most peculiar coincidence  thing happened when I took one of those one day cruise to to Hydra-Aegina-Poros.  On the ship, during the trip, I decided to randomly  take this empty seat next to a group of young people.   Coincidentally, this Eastern European kid started yelling, cursing, and just saying derogatory things to me in the most insulting way.  He created a most embarrassing scene.  He told me he did not want me to sit next to him and the rest of the east European gang were just laughing  and saying something in their Russian/Ukrainian like language.  I was really embarrassed and hurt that a stranger will do that to me. It definitely reminded of the disresptful Eastern European model from church.  I took another seat and surprisingly, the woman next to me was from Virginia.  It was a welcome relief to meet a fellow and hopefully civilized American.  I predictably spent the rest of the day with this woman and her daughter.  Who also kept telling me how pretty I was and I should get connected with her daughter who also loves traveling to Europe, so I can have a traveling partner.  On my flight back to USA, I had a suspiciously familiar older couple from Connecticut sit next to me.  

When I landed, the first phone call I got at JFK was from the Haitian girl who insisted that I would have to leave my $600 security deposit since I was moving out on a such short notice, I was angry, but this couple managed to steal that $600 from me.  How she knew that I just landed  at JFK is still a mystery to me.  The only cheap mover guy that I found on craigslist was also coincidentally AGAIN Eastern European, the guy help me move to my Long Island apartment.  Where even crazier things was going to happen.

The House was empty when I moved in, but afterward, this Caucasian couple from Florida/ North Carolina moved on the 2nd floor and this grimy ghetto woman moved on the first floor with her two daughters.  I recall a young adult male visiting them one time and coming down to the front  of my apartment; he  looked at me and called me a bitch!  Rude comment from a stranger!

After moving to that apartment, I lost all privacy, everything I said/did in that apartment
became public knowledge.  Also, while I was looking for apartments during this period, no one was willing to rent me one in spite of my impeccable credibility.  It was almost like someone wanted me to move to those apartments.  This pattern continued during my short visit to  California and when I moved to Nebraska.  When Hillsong came to town, the ghetto woman had moved out and this awfully demented Hispanic family moved above me.   The deranged behaviors extensively exhibited in NYC during church visits was now going to follow me home, to work,  to my weekend shopping, and everywhere else I went.  The insanity that came with Hillsong is the subject of my next post.


Tuesday, October 28, 2014

GOING BACK TO THE ROOT: THESE BEHAVIORS WILL DRIVE YOU NUTS! (My Bizarre Experiences with Churches and Law Enforcement People Part 2)





These bizarre behaviors started at Times Square Church.  I attended this church for a good miserable thirteen years.    I volunteered as an usher, problem counselor, and a prayer counselor. So, my friendliness/sincere Christianity made me an unusual target for these stalkers.  The consistent behavior was usually creating a coincidence with anyone I talk too or they think I may be interested in; or saying/doing psychologically destabilizing things. The coincidences were not just limited to my presence in the church, but pretty much ANYWHERE I go, including my European vacations.   I will get into more details in subsequent entries.  

I could never figure out why disrespectful young adults felt the need to constantly follow me around.  These were people I generally dislike because of their non-Christian like behavior.   They were usually waiting for me to get out of church,  or the restroom, or  finish talking to someone , or get into my car  from the parking garage.  They paid an unusual attention to everything I did. I never had any privacy. Plus, they always acted like there was something going on.  It was some kind of sick mind game that will be illogical to most intelligent people. There were numerous embarrassing moments that I can not get into that could have been prevented if I had the privacy given most people.  Church people were always saying /doing the most disrespectful/disconcerting things. People would indirectly say disturbing things around me that somewhat pertains to me.   Most of these were before my blogging days.

 I recall a blond lady coming down for prayer once.  The woman told me she worked for a company where they put chips in all of their employees.  She said the chip allowed them to know everything she was doing in her Manhattan apartment and the life of all involved in the situation was in danger.  I thought she was nuts, but I said a deep heartfelt emotional prayer for her.  She was quite indifferent afterwards. I told her that she should report this to the cops or go on TV, and that someone was bound to help her; after all, this is America!   She eventually left, but on her way out, she shook her head, laughed hysterically, and told me that I was so naive.  Her disturbing behavior is one of the many I endured in the hands of strangers in that church. 

On my way into church one  Tuesday night, this young unfamiliar Hispanic guy told me  that I am beginning to show my age and I don’t look as young as I use to look.  I know! Totally disturbing comment from a stranger!  What about the blonde actress who started crying when she saw me coming towards the parking garage one Thursday night, she was upset about some guy who broke up with her, she was one of  first people I blogged about and one of the many people sent by my stalkers.  What about the homeless man who sits in front of the McDonald's next to the church, who kicks me and says really vulgar things on my way out of the church on Thursday nights; or the alien male church worker who tells people that I am bossy; or the male  head usher who thought I needed to go on a mission field to be humbled;  What about these two unknown young girls  who  shared their negative opinions of what they thought of me on a Thursday night; or the young adults males in YPC who voiced their opinions about my body parts numerous  times while waiting in front of the church for the next service, or the Hispanic girls who were always saying the most demented/illogical/presumptuously disrespectful things to me; or the church female worker who distressfully obsessed with me for the most ungodly/shallow reasons; the same girl used numerous times by these stalkers to  do those psychologically destabilizing behavior even after I left the church and in response to what I said in the privacy of my apartment; or how the Indian nurses I invited  to church from work were used by the same people to disrespectfully violate my privacy/ professional principles.  

What about the crying crazy lonely lady from Connecticut who I  prayed  for at Starbucks one Christmas season, but who said some disturbingly coincidental things about my yearly doctor’s check up that I had in Long Island.  I can definitely not forget the old  Caucasian couple from St Paul, Minnesota, who sat next to me at Starbucks numerous times, and the wife felt it was stupid for me to travel to Europe on vacation by  myself. That may have been stupid in 1920 when she grew up, but definitely not in this millennium. Time does not permit me to get into the numerous people I met at Starbucks in front of that church who all exhibited the same disturbing behaviors. Nor can I forget a few coincidences of responses to what I said or did in my Long Island Apartment thru the Sunday sermon by the senior pastor. 

This disturbing behavior exhibited by church people coincidentally intensified around 2004 when I got back from a graduate program abroad. It was in London that I got acquainted with Hillsong music.  My “stalkers” started creating coincidences about this felon/model/actor guy who attended the church like they previously did with another young disrespectful model guy; it was around the same time that Hillsong came to town and it was honestly a welcome relieve to find another church where I hoped people would act more like Christians instead of like a bunch of psychopaths, but boy, was I wrong!  

 And finally, I can definitely not forget on my way to church to usher  one new year’s eve a few years ago; it was so crowded that night that most streets around the church was blocked. A cop finally let me thru one of those blue barricades when I told him I was going to the church a block away.  As I passed thru,  I felt someone pinch my butt, and as I  looked back, it was the little Caucasian cop smiling presumptuously at me.  I was too shocked to react; I can’t exactly call 911 to report one of NY’s finest. This particular behavior was repeated in church by another presumptuously disrespectful midget from Tennessee, who I met while ushering. I use to disregard problems when I was a churchgoer because I believed then that God deals with all evil doers in his own time, but over the years, this mole like problem eventually became a crushing mountain, which is why it wise to deal with problems when they are still small and controllable.  I will get into more details in my next entry.

Friday, October 24, 2014

My Bizzare Experiences with Churches and Law Enforcement People

Hello All,

 I know it has been two years since I blogged, but the last two years have been one I never imagined would happen to me. You probably all remember all my wonderful encounters with random people in NYC while waiting for church services and how I turned these stories into biblical encouraging lessons. Anyway, those days are gone now. I am more agnostic than on fire for Jesus these days. I am more indifferent now to the plight of people around me. I also enjoy being alone now. I am happiest when no one is around. Unlike the past, I look forward to a lifetime of spinsterhood.

You may recall a story I told you about leaving a church (Times Square Church) I attended for years after numerous awful experiences. Well, I believe that church was connected to law enforcement, politicians, and even military people. I had been talking to random people for several years before blogging. However, after I started blogging, the unwanted/distressing attention I despised so much in my old church not only strengthened, but seemed to follow me to the next church. I eventually left church thinking that would solve the problem, but the strangers that were always following me around all these years which I assumed were church people were still present. Not only were they present, but their behavior got even more abusive and distressing. They pretty much followed me EVERYWHERE; from going to stores, to taking a stroll, and to even going on job interviews. The behavior got so distressing that I decided to randomly take a flight to California after another bizarre interview where the guy seem to know more than he should know about me.  No, these were not information I volunteered in a blog or Facebook, but things he should not know about me. After getting to San Jose, California. I saw the same familiar  behavior even though I did not know ANYONE in San José, CA. After a few distressing behaviors from numerous strangers, I decided to file a police report in spite of the suspicious police cars I noticed all the time around me. At the police station, everyone else's case was heard before mine, and when they finally heard my case at their closing time when EVERYONE else was gone and their front  door was locked, the cop nonchalantly told me they were not going to do anything about it. I wish that  bald Vietnamese cop stayed true  to his statement, because the presence of these cops turned my life into a nightmare when I migrated to Nebraska

 I decided to move to Nebraska where I knew NO ONE, but surprisingly the last two years in Nebraska has been filled with the same familiar bizarre behavior from NY where complete strangers does and say very distressing things around me. I also encountered a few disrespectful/unprofessional police behavior. A lot of the things used to attack me in Nebraska were things I actually put in the police report in CA or things I said in  my blog/or in the privacy of my Long Island Apartment, so I can easily conclude that cops were always a huge part of my problems. Most of these behavior can be traced back to my old church in NYC and some of those experiences I shared in the past on my blog . I also lived in an apartment formerly occupied by a cop while living in NY, which I never linked to my problems as I never met the guy. Plus,  any sensible reader of  my blog could have easily concluded that my SINCERE fire for Jesus back then would have prevented me from noticing these kinds of men. I doubt any good/wise/smart Christian woman will be interested in these abusive type cops. I am only blogging to share the truth about some of my recent experiences with cops, churches I attended, consistently psychotic Hispanics from all my neighborhoods, and their connection to jobs I had in recent years. I will also share my bizarre experience of living in Nebraska. Although, their psychotic behaviors can all be traced back to NY, but I still think they are some of the most demented people I ever encountered. While things are  little better now in the small town I live expect for neighbors in close vicinity they still use to exhibit the same familiar psychotic behaviors, however, the crazies are still present everywhere else I go. Also, the church, Hillsong, which I switched too turned out to be the most horrible church ever!  It was  filled and led by some of the most deranged people in the world. Don’t let that heaven like music deceive you, there is nothing holy, good, Christian like, or righteous about these people. The lead pastor was undoubtedly used by my stalkers. The hell bound pastor responded too and knew what I said in the privacy of my apartment every Sunday; a most suspicious coincidence that occurred in my last four jobs and started in my old church (Times Square Church). Before the religious nuts responds by telling me to seek Jesus and not church, I will like to remind you that I went to church ONLY to seek Jesus and help people as Jesus would want, but my fellow church members had ungodly agendas and was definitely not seeking Jesus, otherwise no one would have paid attention to anything I did in my thirteen years of attending churches in NYC.  Nor feel the need to obnoxiously constantly follow me around everywhere I go. And no, taking to God in church is not insane! That is the whole point of church, it is a house of God where people come to pray to God.  If talking to God is crazy, then the whole notion of Christianity is insane and we can also conclude all Christians are nuts!  A conclusion that will be logical considering my experiences with church people in recent years.  I also had some awful experiences when I revisited my famous old NYC church. I will get into these peculiar stories in my subsequent entries. I am hoping it will help someone make better choices about their religious beliefs, careers, solutions to problem,  people they let in their world, and spare them the nightmare I lived in recent years. I will be telling you more on my next post. For now, enjoy your life and be careful who you trust!

Thursday, December 22, 2011

THANK YOU!!!

I feel led to stop blogging. I will like to take this opportunity to thank all my faithful readers. I am humbled that you have allowed my posts to hopefully minister to you. Thanks for your loyalty, thanks for being my friends, thanks for your encouraging words, thanks for inspiring me, thanks for your thoughtful comments, thanks for restoring my faith in the body of Christ, thanks for helping me explore my gifting, calling, and purpose. I am forever grateful for your friendship, love, and fellowship.

Please feel free to read any of the eighty six posts I have written. I trust God will use them to minister to you and meet you exactly where you are. I look forward to reuniting with you guys again in the Blogging world, and if not, we will perhaps meet in real life or reunite with the King of Kings and Lord of Lords in eternity!!!

“He that handleth a matter wisely shall find good: and whoso trusteth in the LORD, happy is he.” Proverbs 16:20

Love Always,

Toyin O.

Thursday, December 8, 2011

WHAT JUST WENT WRONG?

I have certainly prayed many times that God would only open doors that are from HIM and he would close those doors that are not from him. So, why was I so distressed about an unusually bad performance at that interview? Even if things went wrong because of lack of preparation on my part, or due to my lack of enough recent interview experiences, or due to distractions; I still have to remember God is in control. I have given him full control and he is ultimately the Lord of everything that goes on in my life; and the Savior that can redeem me from all situations. I had to remember that his ears are open to my prayers and HE knows exactly what HE is doing when he chooses to shut doors that are not from him. If he had to make my mind go blank for a few seconds, so HIS will can be done in my life, then all I can say is praise God that gives and takes away. I had to trust that even my momentary failures were working for my good; that God shuts doors, because he has better doors he wants to open; that there is nothing that goes wrong in my life that God’s goodness can’t fix; and that sometimes the path to answered prayers is not always as pleasant as we hope.


After the Benjamites committed an evil atrocity, their Israelite brothers decided to go against them in war. After seeking God, they were told to send the men of Judah to fight on the first day; however, the Benjamites killed twenty two thousand Israelites that day. The men encouraged themselves, cried out bitterly unto God, and asked again if they should continue to fight the Benjamites. God told them to keep fighting, but eighteen thousand Israelites were again killed the second day. Then the Israelites went to church, weeping, fasting, and offered burnt/peace offerings to God. They asked God if they are to keep fighting the Benjamites, and the Lord said yes. On the third day, the Israelites came up with a better strategy against their now over confident enemy and were able to win the war by killing just twenty five thousand Benjamites.

Imagine hearing from God on exactly what you are suppose to do, but on your first attempt to accomplish that calling, you encounter a staggering failure that felt like having a twenty-two thousand casualties in a war you were assigned the captain. You would likely wonder what went wrong with that divine mission; and question if you really did hear from God, or wonder if you were underprepared, or over confident, or just plain stupid to undertake such a challenge. You probably went back into the presence of God, seeking his face, crying out to him, and trying to get another confirmation; but you again got the green light to go in the power of God. However, you encounter an astounding failure on your second attempt that felt like an eighteen thousand causality in your war. Though the loss is a little less, the blow is even more devastating, since you know you heard God for the second time and can’t help but wonder why HE would allow you to fail again. You go back seeking God more intensely in your prayer, worship, and devotion. You cry out to GOD to show if you are to continue on this mission, since you can’t afford anymore loses. The good news is that God is telling you in spite of your previous overwhelming failures, to STILL go against that “enemy” you have been unsuccessfully fighting in your relationships, home, careers, ministry, and other relevant areas. Interestingly, the Israelites won that war after losing most of their soldiers; the less man power they had, the more divine power was given to win. You sometimes need to lose before you “really” win. God may need to get rid of all those people you are relying on to show victory comes not in numbers, but by faith. Your letdowns were designed by God to cause you to fall on your knees and seek HIM in a deeper way. The battle you are facing takes something deeper than hearing from God to win. It requires your deepest devotion, heartfelt seeking of God’s face, unwavering obedience, and fiery sacrifices that will bring peace to your current raging storm. Your unsuccessful attempts have put that “enemy” at ease and off guard. You are now wise enough to know when and how to fight. You are well prepared, equipped, and ready to win this battle and take just enough casualties to wipe out the enemy’s camp. Even though, that trial may look huge because of what you have already lost, but trust it is small when compared to God’s greatness. Your next attempt will give you a resounding victory that will make up for your losses. Don’t look at how many times things have gone wrong in your situation, because the ONE calling you can make everything right with just one word!!!

Lots of Love,

Toyin O.

Thursday, December 1, 2011

ARE YOUR EXPECTATIONS REASONABLE?

Playing hide and seek with my nieces and nephews earlier somewhat bring a smile to my face. It was a joy to see the delight on their little faces as they screamed in excitement, when I found them hiding in the bathroom or to see how elated the kids were as one of my nieces and I hid in a secret place. It took the other children forever to find us, upon finally finding us; my niece jubilantly jumps up and down. My little miracle of the day was getting to spend time with these kids; after all, I had completely given up on the hope of been able to make it to the family gathering due to my car problems. I was pretty sure I was not going to make it to my niece’s birthday party from my suburban neighborhood, where the only reasonable way to get around is to have a car. Though, I had also prayed specifically that if God wants me to go, he will provide a free ride to the place. However, just as I was about to call it a day, I got a surprise text from my mother that led to my younger brother giving me a free ride to and fro to the family gathering.

When I prayed that morning, I believed undoubtedly that if God wanted me to make it to the gathering, HE would make a way for me to get there, without spending money that I do not have. As time passed and a free car did not miraculously drop from the sky as I hoped, I gave up. The answer to my prayer however came from the most unlikely source; I had a preconception of exactly how I wanted God to answer this prayer or I just had a different vision on how God was going to provide the free ride, but God again showed me that the answer to our prayer can come from any source or person. These answers sometimes can come from the least expected person or place. It is interesting how I was hoping this prayer was going to be supernaturally, spectacularly, and dramatically answered; when the answer to the prayer was just a phone call away. The answer came from someone that was right within my reach, someone I already knew, and someone that was obviously a way out of my dilemma. The answer also came when I had given up, it came as I was about to call it a day, change into my pajamas, slump on my couch, devour a bowl of ice cream, and get lost in a good movie. As believers, we find ourselves in this predicament many times, where we have faith for that particular area of our life. We pray without ceasing and believe God is going to answer our prayer in a specific way. We dream, envison, and imagine exactly how we think God is going to answer that prayer. As time goes by, we quickly throw in the towel when God does not come thru the way we thought HE was going too. We forget that God does not think the way we do, and sometimes, the answer we have been praying for is right within our reach. Just when we are about to give up, the answer we have been looking for will also come from where we least expect it.


After the death of her God fearing husband, a widow cried out to Elisha because creditors wanted to take her two sons as slaves. Elisha wanted to know how he could help her and asked what she had in her house. The woman responded she only had a small jar of olive oil. Elisha instructed her to go around and ask her neighbors for numerous empty jars; she should then go inside her house with her two boys and shut the door behind them. She was to pour oil inside each of the jars till they are filled and set them aside. The woman followed the instruction and kept pouring oil from her small jar till all the jars were filled and there was no empty jar left. She was then told to sell the oil to pay her debt.

This woman probably had a pre-conceived idea of how her request was going to be granted. She probably imagined the many dramatic miracles the prophet may perform; perhaps, the prophet would give her the money, or he was going to send bears to eat the creditors; or he was going to cast some kind of spell on the creditors to disable them. She must have been somewhat surprised when told to use her small jar of oil to fill the empty jars. The answer to her prayer was her own small jar of oil; the empty jars came from her neighbors; the filled jars came from an act of faith; and the ability to pay off her debt came from a simple obedience. She likely never imagined the treasure that would solve her problem was in her home or the empty jars that would determine the vastness of her blessing was right within her reach. Perhaps, like this widow, you also find yourself facing a threat to your home, relationships, job, finance, health, and other relevant areas. Maybe you have been crying out to God in that desperate situation you find yourself; you know that God will be faithful to answer your prayer; however, you have a pre-conceived idea of how you think HE is going to answer. Like this woman, you do not want to lose your children, loved ones, investment, security, position, or that thing you value so much. If you have not seen the answer you hope for, it is time to take a look at what you already have. The little you have may not be much, but with the right amount of faith, and the willingness to obey God in these areas, you will also be able to fill everything that looks empty till there is no more “empty jar” left to fill in your life. Keep in mind that God uses people; the answer to your prayer may not necessarily be that dramatic miracle you have been hoping for, but lies with your neighbors. You have the anointing within you to fill the “empty jars” of the people in your world. What looks empty can filled; what looks lost can be found; and what looks hopeless can be restored; you just have to trust that God can do a lot with the little you have. You don’t have to look that far, the answer you are looking for is closer than you think. Don’t let your unreasonable expectations take away from the profound blessings that can be found in simple obedience!!!

Lots of Love,

Toyin O.

Wednesday, November 23, 2011

ARE YOU NOTICING THE UPSIDE OR DOWNSIDE?

I am tempted to focus on things that should steal my gratitude today, however, as I walk pass the Seven Eleven on this busy street, what happened at that same spot just two weeks ago comes back to mind. I was about to walk in front of a red car making a right to the busy street; the teenage looking driver was busy lightening his cigarette, and seem to be looking at the traffic coming from the left. As I quickly try to walk in front of the car, the boy suddenly starts driving; he is literally an inch from my body, I bang my hand on the car’s hood to no avail. As the car touches my body, I panic, and keep banging my hand on the car to get the boy’s attention; as one of my shoes comes off, and it seem like the car is about to grind me over, the boy finally looks up. I breathe a sigh of relief, put on my shoe, and tell the boy rather nicely, to pay attention to the road next time. Two days after this incident, I pick up my supposedly fixed car from the mechanic for the second time that week; however, twenty minutes into my drive, my temperature light comes on, and my car dies in the middle of the road. I manage to start the car again, but it died completely at the closest Target’s parking lot. After the car cools down, it gets revived and I drive to the nearest mall. Upon coming out of the mall, the car stalls for a few seconds, but eventually starts. I quickly get on the highway, thinking if I drive at a good speed, I may be able to make it home. The engine starts making really loud noise the moment I get on the highway, it becomes really difficult to drive the car as heavy smoke is coming out of the hood and the exhaustion pipe; in fact, there is so much smoke coming out of my car that other motorists were blowing their horns and getting far away from my vehicle as quickly as possible. Then the engine gets louder, the smoke gets thicker, the horn blowing gets louder, and the highway gets emptier; I realize that I am probably not going to make it home. I quickly get on the ramp to merge on the highway that takes me home, but my car slowly shuts down and it is very hard to steer the wheel. I am afraid of getting into an accident, but fortunately, there is no car behind me as I try merging onto the highway. I try pulling over, but the car is barely responding at this point; I keep pressing the break to stop the car, but to no avail; thankfully, the car finally shuts down right under a tree by the busy highway.


I will most likely not be alive to tell the story if that boy had pressed really hard on his gas. I will certainly not be healthy enough to complain about my lack of things to be thankful for this Thanksgiving if my car had blown up on the highway or if it refused to stop and crashed. However, in spite of everything the devil seems to be throwing at me, I can not deny the goodness of God in sparing me from what could have been tragic. God can still do a lot in my life because I am alive. My life may not be anywhere I hoped it would be, but I have Jesus, which gives me hope for my tomorrow; peace in my current storm; and grace to face my difficulties. I am still alive to believe, stand, hope, dream, aspire, and see God fulfill every plan HE has for my life. In our human nature, we at times let the small things we don’t have take our eyes away from the greater things God has done. We focus on those things that we had to let go because of the momentous treasures we invested in these things. We forget all the negative emotions we had to endure while holding on to that thing; or that God only takes away things that will harm us; or that HE takes away those things we are clinging too, because he has something much better in mind.


David once fasted, laying all night on the floor, and prayed God would spare his child. Unfortunately, the child died on the seventh day. His servants were afraid to tell him, but David perceived the child was dead. David then arose from where he had been praying; he washed, anointed himself, change his apparel, came to worship in the house of God, and also ate. His servants wondered about his change of attitude in the face of tragedy, but he explained that he hoped for a miracle while the child was alive, but now that he is dead, it was pointless to mope. David subsequently slept with his wife to comfort her, she conceived a son, whom they named Solomon.

David could have fallen into a deep depression, but instead, he chose to comfort those around him. He saw the goodness of God in a situation that could have been much worse, after all, David was the one being judged for his indiscretions. God could have decided to take his life just like Uriah’s life was taken or something a lot worse could have happened, but the Lord spared him because he was still the man after God’s heart. David saw God’s mercy in a dark moment. While everyone expected him to fall apart due to the time he invested in praying for that child, David instead chose to rise above his circumstances. Perhaps, you have also been thru some tragic experiences that want to steal your gratitude this Thanksgiving, but remember that while things can be better in your life, things can also be a lot worse. Even though your pain may be immense and is not been overlooked by God, you must find grace to rise from that low place you find yourself. It is time to rise out those ashes, put on the garment of praise for a spirit of heaviness, be washed with the blood that thoroughly cleanses, find anointing for your calling, be clothed with the righteousness of Jesus, eat of the bread of life that will mature you, and worship God in HIS sanctuary. Though you may have invested considerable things in what just died, believe that what you lost is nothing compared to what you are about to gain. God is calling you to rise above your pain, trial, and distress; so you can comfort those around you. The comfort you will bring to your world will also birth something so rich, so wise, and so regal in that valley you find yourself. Don’t dwell on the downside of what you have just lost; the upside is knowing there is a new life, new beginning, and a new season coming your way!!!

Lots of Love,

Toyin O.

Thursday, November 17, 2011

DO YOU SEE?

Strolling thru the streets of NYC on this beautiful Saturday afternoon, I am a bit fascinated, ecstatic, and joyful. The reason for my sentiments is not due to the colorful lights flashing from the numerous giant jumbo screens at Times Square; or the massive amount of people waiting to get tickets for Broadway shows; or the countless homeless agency representatives that keeps asking for money; or the accents coming from the several tourists that seem abundant in the city today; or the difficulty in walking on the streets due to heavy congestion. My sentiment is certainly not coming from the bad pizza I just had from Sbarro; or from the flies infested bakery goods that I just saw on 57th street; or from the old homeless lady that just angrily cursed out someone that mistakenly bumped into her. No, I am excited to be hanging out with my good friend that just flew from Ohio to spend her day with me here in NYC. I recall meeting her a few years ago, she was quite paranoid, distracted, and not too comfortable around crowds; but, I am hanging out with a completely different woman today. As I listen to her share tales of her past adventure in NYC, her fascinating grandmother, her thought provoking younger brothers, her detailed knowledge of pastries, her Christmas cookie baking ventures with her mother, her desire to see the Lion King, the Broadway show; her love for Disney movies, especially the Hunchback of Notre Dame, and her desire to come back to NYC soon, I can’t help but smile.

I was surprised to see how far God had brought her, since she tends to sometimes dwell on some of those things she struggles with on many of our phone conversations, but upon seeing her that Saturday, I was able to see that Jesus has been up to something in her life. This reminds me of just how many of us see ourselves thru some of the past issues, problems, or struggles that we came from; or we dwell on those small problems that seem like mountain when viewed wrongly; or we only see what is going wrong in our lives, in spite of the numerous things that are going right. How we persistently listen to the voice of the enemy tell us we are still that same person; or that we are not changing and we will never change; or how old things are not passing and nothing is becoming new; or how God is not doing anything in our lives in spite of our walk with HIM; how we will always be a product of our past; how there is no hope for healing, change, or profound transformation in Jesus. However, if we find grace to take a closer look at our lives or choose to hear God instead of the roaring lion, we will see that we are not the same. HIS power has come to heal, restore, and transform us. We are a changed people; we are still changing because HIS spirit dwells within us; and we will be forever changing to reflect the image of our savior.

An angel once visited a young maiden, telling her that she has found favor with God and will be conceiving something great. The maiden wondered at the impossibility of the situation, but she believed what the angel told her. She subsequently visited her pregnant cousin in Judah; upon hearing her voice, the baby leaped in the womb of her cousin. The cousin was immediately filled with the Holy Spirit, declaring that the maiden and the fruit of her womb were blessed. The maiden then praised and exhorted God confidently with great words of knowledge, understanding, and gratitude.

After that angel visited Mary and told her she was going to bring forth a great child that will be called the son of the highest, she probably did not realize the magnitude of that prophecy. She likely did not feel or look that much different after the experience. However, because she believed what the angel told her by faith, the Holy Spirit had supernaturally allowed this woman to conceive something that was going to change the world. Days after this visitation, she probably did not see any change in her life, however, the moment she stepped into the presence of another woman that have known barrenness for years, but have also known a visitation of an angel in her household, she finally got a confirmation of all God had told her. Her cousin was immediately filled with the Holy Ghost upon hearing Mary’s voice; the anointing on her voice was now powerful enough to even make a baby leap for joy because of what Mary was carrying inside her womb. Elizabeth immediately notice that this was not the young Mary she grew up with, there was something different about her. Elizabeth was probably amazed to hear the praises, worship, and exhortation that were coming out of Mary’s mouth afterward. The new Mary had an in depth knowledge of who God was, what He was capable of doing, and what can happen to anyone that believes in HIM. Perhaps, you have also known the visitation of God in an area of your life, where HE gave you a word you can count on. Like Mary, you believed what God said about your relationships, homes, families, walk, children, ministry, and future. However, as time passed, maybe you don’t see any obvious change in these areas. You don’t see the kind of change you had hoped, dreamed, or prayed about. Everything still looks the same with that trial you are facing; things have certainly not change with that misbehaving family member; you don’t look, feel, or see any difference; you don’t see a way out of what you are going thru; and you don’t see an improvement in your struggles. Like Mary, all you need is a visitation to a household of faith, where you can be in company with someone that have also known barrenness, but have lived to see the faithfulness of God. You are bound to be reminded that the Holy Spirit living within you is powerful enough to bring light into every dark situation you find yourself. The anointing found in this place will draw out the depth, riches, and knowledge of what you know to be true about Jesus. You will be able to supernaturally see your past, present, and future thru the eyes of the ONE who fills the hungry with good things. While you may not see any difference in your situation, believe that the power living inside of you will cause everyone in your world to declare that you are blessed!!!

Lots of Love,

Toyin O.

Thursday, November 10, 2011

NOT GETTING WHAT YOU WANT?

Driving thru this parkway, I am somewhat at peace about my troublesome car. After all, I had prayed I will get to my destination safely. Last night, the car was overheating on my drive home from the city. I recall the temperature light coming on and a really loud vibration coming from my engine. Upon getting home, I could smell something was burning. However, the car seems fine today. As I continue my drive, I notice there is traffic ahead; but as I slow down, the temperature light comes on, all the other warning lights starts flashing, and the car dies in the middle of the parkway. I initially panic, muttering a short prayer. I quickly put on the emergency light and start the car again; the engine comes on and I continue to move. I notice a white car had pulled over on the side. I refuse to get stuck like that man. However, things are a little beyond my control as traffic continues to move slowly. My engine shuts down and I pray again, which must have opened the high way, as the traffic starts moving. I quickly press on my gas pedal, since the car only shuts down when I press my brake. The next exit to my old neighborhood is two miles away, I take the exit without thinking too much and speed thru the local road that will take me to the nearest mechanic; but as I get to a red light, my engine shuts down again. I try restarting the car and it miraculously starts. I notice there is another red-light coming up, but I can not afford to have the engine shut down, so I drive thru a gas station. I drive for the next one mile on a local street and notice there is another traffic light coming up, I am only a few blocks from the mechanic now and I can not let the car die again. I quickly make a right to another street, but my engine shuts down at the stop sign at the end of the block. I try restarting the car, but it is not responding. I am only four blocks from the mechanic now; I try again, but the engine responds this time! I quickly make a left, and then a quick right, and I find myself at another red light, just a block from the mechanic; please don’t die, I say to my car. The light turns green just as my engine is about to shut down again and I speed thru the traffic light and make a quick left to the mechanic.

These experience showed me that there are days we pray, but it looks we are not getting what we want; or days it looks like we are not going to make it; or days we run into obstacles that brings all those hidden struggles that we thought were gone. Those “struggles” may temporarily stop us from moving forward, but when we pray, we will also see the Holy Spirit reignite what looks dead or hopeless. Regardless of how many times these struggles show up, we will keep finding the power to recharge what is dying in our lives. It may temporarily look like our prayer has not been answered, but when we look closer; we will see the obstruction on our path was sent to strengthen our faith. While the path to our destination may be filled with obstacles, panic, doubt, and fear; we will not be able to deny the awesomeness of God. His faithfulness in our past is what has given us peace to start the journey we are on, so when those alarming lights start flashing and it looks like we are going to get stuck, we can be assured that Jesus will come thru for us again and again. We might need to avoid those “things” that can kill our spirit or make a few unplanned turns, but we will definitely make it to our destination. While it may look like we are not getting what we want or going where want to go; we should trust that God’s wisdom is getting us to exactly where we need to be.

Jonah was instructed to prophesy in Nineveh, but he went to Joppa; where he boarded a ship going to Tarshish to flee the presence of God. However, God sent a mighty tempest, which almost broke the ship Jonah was on. The men aboard subsequently discovered that the God of Jonah sent the tempest. Jonah, who was fast asleep during the storm was awoken and thrown off the ship. He was then swallowed by a fish. While in the belly of the fish, Jonah prayed and got intimate with God. He was vomited by the whale on the third day. God then instructed Jonah to go preach at Nineveh for the second time; Jonah went this time around.

Jonah was probably trusting God’s mercy for his journey. Even when the sea was raging and everyone else were afraid, Jonah was peacefully sleeping. However, God knew the great commission on this man’s life. When Jonah awoke, fear likely slipped in as he saw the raging sea. He probably did not think he was going to make it out alive. Things must have looked hopeless as he was thrown off that ship. It certainly did not look like Jonah was getting what he wanted; but God in his wisdom knew exactly where Jonah needed to be to prepare his heart for Nineveh. In that whale, Jonah’s heart was finally open to hear God; he offered praises and thanksgiving to the only God that could bring him out. In that belly of hell, he got acquainted with God. While he did not make it to Tarshish, God brought him to a place where he was finally able to hear and obey HIM. Perhaps like Jonah, you also have peace about that place you find yourself in spite of the raging sea that is terrifying everyone else; or you are not moved by the tempest that is breaking the only form of security in your situation. Maybe, you were trusting God’s mercy to get you to where you want to be, but you suddenly also find yourself in the “belly of hell’’, or a dark place, or a very lonely place. While you may not be where you hoped to be, trust that God has brought you to this place to renew your mind, to change your heart, and to prepare you. You will be coming out of the “belly of hell” fully acquainted with the power, presence, and purposes of Christ. God brought you to that “place” to strip you of self reliance, so you can fully depend on HIS strength. Not getting what you want is God’s way of getting you to a place you can receive what you need. Though you may not be getting what you want, trust that where you are is preparing you for what will be eternally necessary, impactful, and fulfilling!!!

Lots of Love,

Toyin O.

Thursday, November 3, 2011

ARE YOU SETTLING?

Driving thru this very posh Long Island neighborhood, I can tell the place I am going too for an interview is likely patronized by affluent people; but I also know it is a position I probably would not want. Upon arriving in front of the white building located in front of a luxurious apartment complex, I sit in my car for a few minutes, contemplating if I should go in for this job interview. As I enter the building, I am greeted by a young girl holding a child; I am here to see Sarah, I say. She will be right with you, the girl jovially replies. Then another girl sitting at the reception desk also tells me Sarah will be right with me. When Sarah finally shows up, she hands me a package and tells me to fill out the customary paper work. As I try filling the applications, I notice an old lady, who is constantly clearing her throat, just sitting idly in the lobby. There is also a lady crawling on the floor while playing with a young boy. Trying to ignore the distraction, I continue filling out my application. Then three more candidates arrive for the same interview slot and were given the same folder I was given. We are all then addressed by a young girl, who claims to be the Associate Director of the center, she tells us about the four ninety minute tests we will be taken before the interview. Sarah proceeds to administrate the first test. We are then given a thirty minute Critical Thinking test. A lot of noise is coming from an irate child, sitting in the lobby, next to the place this test is being administered. The other candidates also can not seem to stop clearing their throats or coughing. I try finishing this test in spite of all the distractions around me. However, as the third administrative test is given, and the voice of the irate child gets louder, and the candidate’s throat clearing gets more persistent, and the worker’s conversations in the reception area gets noisier, I realize this is most definitely not the job I am looking for, and then finally yield to that gentle inner voice that has been telling me to get up and leave. I politely give back the test, tell the girls it is too noisy to concentrate on the task given, and quietly leave the building.

As I drove thru the affluent neighborhood, I was almost tempted to reconsider my stand on what I was believing God for, but there was just that feeling in my innermost being that did not quite agree with the environment I found myself. How many of us put ourselves thru the unnecessary testing of a relationship, career, and many other things that we know is not God’s will for us? God reminded me thru this experience, just how many of his children settle for less than what God can give. How we pray, fast, and believe God for so many things, but always mange to settle for less. As time lapse in that area we have been waiting on God for, it is easy to get excited when our phone finally rings and settle for the seemingly inviting wealthy environment, or for the initial pleasantness that embraces us, or for the perfect positioned “white house”. However, if we find courage to hear God’s voice, we will know this is not what our Savior has in store for us. We will quickly see the danger of staying in a place that will make us feel empty; or a place that is too distracting to focus on our calling; or too noisy to hear God; or too confusing to know the truth; or too casual to take our future seriously; or too playful to move us forward. It is tempting to settle when we look at the uncontrollable factors in our environment; or at the progression of people around us; or the pressures of our deadlines; but we must trust that God will never fail us.

On a special mission, an Israelite prophet was instructed not to eat, drink, or go back the same way he was coming from. After praying to restore a king’s dried up hand, he refused to eat with the king and continued his mission. An old prophet heard how powerful this up and coming prophet was becoming. The old prophet went to meet this Israelite prophet while he was sitting under an oak tree; he invited him to come home and dine with him. The Israelite prophet initially refused, insisting God had told him not to drink, eat, or go back the way he came; but the old prophet lied, telling him that God sent him to invite the Israelite prophet to his house for dinner. The Israelite prophet went with the old prophet. The Lord then told the Israelite prophet he was going to die because of his disobedience. He was subsequently killed by a lion.

The old prophet chose to tempt this man while he was sitting under an oak tree; when he was likely tired, thirsty, hungry, and vulnerable. He came with an alluring suggestion when this man had been waiting too long, was too tired, and was probably desperate to hear God. It is tragic that a man that had such powerful anointing on his life would let the voice of man take precedence over the voice of God. We can only imagine just how far God was going to take this young prophet; perhaps he would have become one of the greatest prophets in Israel, but he chose to listen to a man, when he could have directly heard from God. He settled for food given by a man, when God could have given him an heavenly manna; He chose to drink water from a man, when God could have given him the fountain of life that never dries; and he chose to go back to where he came from, when God could have taken him to a place he had never been before. Have you also been fortunate to hear God instruct you, where you found grace to obey God; but now the journey has been too long, your body is a little weary, you are desperate to hear God, and you find yourself sitting under an “oak tree”? Be careful not to fall into temptation in that dry place; or to fall for the lies of men; or to let your frenemy lead you to your downfall; or let the prophet wannabe become the voice of God in your life; or settle for men’s idea when God’s idea will be more satisfying. Trust whatever God has initially told you about your situation, listening to the lies of that “roaring lion” will only lead to the premature death of everything God planned for you. Let God’s voice reign over every other voice. Don’t settle for what looks good, when the voice of mercy have already promised you something better!!!

Lots of Love,

Toyin O.

Thursday, October 27, 2011

WHAT IF?

I can’t focus while worshiping tonight, my mind keeps going back to the old lady I saw earlier, while enjoying my Sunday afternoon latte at Starbucks. She was crouched over the full shopping cart she was pushing; her entire body was bent over the cart, with her two hands above her head, while holding on to the cart handrail. Her head was behind the cart, her back bent over, as she struggles pushing the cart. She seems to be coming from Associate supermarket. I wonder if she can see where she is going, since her head is almost below the full shopping cart. How come this lady has to run such an errand by herself, does she not have anyone, is she going to make it? I quickly shut down my computer, put on my jacket, and walk out to see if I can catch her. I am glad to see she is only a short distance away. I gently approach her, as you just never know what you are getting into. Do you need help pushing that cart, I ask. No, I am alright, I need to lean on the cart, she replies pleasantly. Do you live far from here, I ask; no, I live very close, she replies. I sense that she just did not want the help I have to offer, so I leave her alone.

However, as I worshipped that night, all the prayers I prayed in the past of wanting to see wonder and signs follow my life floods back to mind. If I have been praying earnestly for so long to have God perform miracles thru me, was that not an opportunity to put a little work in my faith. What if that was my chance to test my faith. What if I had asked this woman if I could pray for her, had the courage to lay hands on her back, and see her supernaturally restored. What if I had told her, silver, gold, or the ability to push that cart, I don’t have, but I command you to stand up and walk in the mighty name of Jesus; what if she supernaturally found the healing needed to walk thru my prayer! Imagine the scene that would have caused in the middle of Chelsea. What if after she found healing, she started jumping, shouting, and praising God joyfully? What if crowds started gathering; the numerous gay couples, artists, musicians, elites, actors, and all the unbelieving people of Chelsea that have walked passed this woman numerous times without batting an eye gathers, as she joyfully shares how Jesus healed her! What if her testimony is so compelling that it gets the most skeptic of these people to believe! However, my fantasy is cut short by the voice of the pastor that brings me back to reality. My fantasy makes me wonder how many of us are living with “what if” in so many areas of our life; where we know all things are possible for those who believe, but we never find the courage to act in the power of the truth we know. How many of us are wondering “what if” in that specific area of our life, but we will never see the great outcome we hope for; if we don’t take that next step, or do that next thing, or make that next move, or make that phone call, or say those words, or change that habit, or cross that line, or send that application, or stop doing that thing, or send that e-mail. We will never see what is on the other side of our “what if’s” if we don’t take the required action. What if that relationship can be restored; what if you can get that job or get into that school, be successful at that endeavor, find healing, bring salvation to family members or friends; what if things can change, or you can climb that mountain, and do that thing that looks so impossible? You will see that dream, fantasy, or hope become reality, only if you start walking in the power of the truth that can take your faith and life to new heights.

Right before Elijah was translated, he asked what he could do for Elisha. Elisha prayed that he would be given a double portion of his master’s spirit. Elijah said that was a hard thing, but his request will be granted only if Elisha sees him when he is taken away. As the two men kept walking and talking, chariots and horses of fire appeared, separating them. Elijah went up in heaven in a whirlwind and Elisha saw it! Elisha subsequently took Elijah’s mantle and smote the Jordan River, while calling on the God of Elijah, the river parted and he crossed over. People around that saw him immediately acknowledge that the spirit of Elijah did rest on him.

Elisha had probably watched his master closely all those years and admired his powerful walk with God. He likely desired to do miracles, be bold, pray, and call down fire like Elijah. I love that Elisha decided to ask for something that seem unattainable to the doubtful and unbelieving. As Elisha continued to walk intimately with his master; chariots, horses, fire, and whirlwind was sent that parted these two men; but in the midst of what should have been scary, dangerous, harmful, and distracting; Elisha was still determined to see his master, which rewarded him with the powerful anointing that defined his life. What if Elijah had been too afraid to ask for that spirit; or was too complacent to keep walking intimately with his master; or was too fearful to look up in the midst of that chaos to see his master taken away; or too faithless to pick up that mantle to part river Jordan; he would most certainly never have become the great prophet he was. So, we can also boldly ask God for those hard things that look unachievable in our faith walk, relationships, careers, homes, families, ministries, and every other relevant area. We can come to God with our most difficult request, our hardest undertakings, our seemingly impossible dreams, our biggest aspirations, our greatest missions, and our most intricate problems. We must keep walking intimately with our Savior and never take our eyes off him, even when it seem all hell is breaking lose, or when the fiery furnace is getting hotter, or when we are tempted to get fearful, distracted, and run from our problems. Christ will be magnified in that “hard place” we find ourselves. We will see the power of HIS “mantle” part ways and take us to the desired end we have been praying, hoping, and dreaming about. Let’s find courage to ask for the hard things, or do those hard things, and go to those hard places. Stop asking what if, but find faith to take that impossible next step; you just never know how far God can take you!!!

Lots of Love,

Toyin O.

Thursday, October 20, 2011

IS IT FAIR?

My thoughts are interrupted by the siren red light flashing behind me; oh boy, what did I do? Why is this cop speeding like that, maybe he is not chasing me, but as I switch lanes to pull over, my fear is confirmed as the car pulls right behind me. I wonder why he is pulling me over, but I am just too tired to care right now, I am just going to be very quiet and not say anything. Can I see your license, asks the officer. I proceed to give him my license and then wait quietly as he goes back to his car to write the ticket. He came back rather quickly and handed me the ticket; the officer then indistinctly explains that while I was making a right turn, I failed to yield to a pedestrian. You are giving me a ticket because I failed to yield to a pedestrian, I repeat calmly to clarify what he just said. As I continue my drive home, I wonder why I am being punished for a guy that refused to move when I stopped for him to cross. I specifically remember the guy giving me a dirty look, which motivated me to stop, but as I stopped my car, he just stood there and did not move, was I suppose to stand there forever and cause unnecessary traffic. I can think of a billion motorists that deserve getting a ticket this week, but did not. What about the girl that was texting on the phone earlier today, or the one using her handset while driving on the highway, or the man that dangerously overtook me, or the one that unsafely made a left turn all the way from the third lane, or all the maniacal NYC cab drivers, it is just not fair!

This reminds me of my Christian walk, where it seems when I justifiably fail to yield to the numerous slow, inconsiderate, disagreeable, infuriating, and arrogant “pedestrian” I encounter; I am the ONLY one that gets the Holy Spirit siren chasing me down and giving me a conviction. Moment that I failed to yield to people that have wronged me, given me the dirty looks, been very thoughtless in their actions, or acted carelessly, rudely, negligently, and in their flesh; I am still the only one getting convicted or penalized. I am tempted to wonder why do some people have it so easy, or seemingly can get away with anything, never have to wait for anything, never have to go thru any pain, or never get convicted, or never have to pray, work, or fight for anything. Why am I the one required to yield to every slow witted, sluggish, time-wasting, and offensive “pedestrian” I encounter in my walk with Jesus. However, I am also quickly reminded in these moments that I am not everybody else, they have not been thru the experiences the Lord has taken me thru and will not be going thru the path God is taking me. I am not these people and they are certainly not me. No two people’s path is similar; we are all called to different purposes and God has specifically designed a special plan to take us there. Trust the wisdom of God in those situations that seem so unfair, or with those people that seem to be getting away with their unjust acts, or with things that seem so erroneous around you. Remember that you are called to be different; it is God’s goodness and mercy that is keeping you in that path HE has for your life. While it may appear everyone else is getting away with their wrong doing, NO ONE can escape God’s judgment. Whatever you are going thru, trust that experience is just another instrument to shape, prepare, and propel you to your divine destiny.

The eldest son of a very wealthy man once journeyed home after a long day of hard work in the fields. As he approached his father’s mansion, he heard music and dancing. He subsequently found out that his prodigal younger brother had returned; their father killed a fatted calf and was throwing a party to welcome him. The man got angry, refusing to join the party. His father entreated him, but he shared how he served his father many years without transgression, but his father has never given him anything; but he would throw a party for his brother that spent his inheritance with harlots. The father responded that because he is always with him, all that he has belongs to him.

I can certainly understand this man’s sentiment and why he felt cheated. Imagine being the brother that found grace to almost always do the right thing. That the keeping power of Christ kept you from falling, where others had fallen; retrieving back when others withdrew from the battle; to see clearly when all others have lost the vision; to keep plowing in hope, where others have lost hope; and to keep praying while others had given up. Where you have found a revelation that allowed you to stay in the presence of God, dwell in your father’s house, and serve God passionately even when you don’t see any earthly reward. However, over the years you notice the numerous “younger brothers” in your world getting their inheritance and leaving the house. While you loved, served, and gave till you had no more to give; these “young brothers” were out there partying, spending time with wrong people, and wasting all God blessed them with. Upon their return, you also notice God was still blessing them with things you never had; these younger brothers were given gorgeous robes, a prestigious position in your father’s house, and were even celebrated more than you are. It is tempting to get angry about the seemingly unfair situation, but you are not forgotten! Your years of faithfulness, hard work, and spending time in your father’s presence have given you a depth, richness, and anointing that does not need the shallow celebration of men. After all, you are the “eldest son”, which means you are chosen, called, and faithful. You have been tested, tried, and found to be true. While all the “younger brothers” around you may enjoy the temporary celebration, fleeting inheritance, and momentary fatted calf; you are the chosen one of your father that will inherit HIS throne. You don’t need men’s accolade, because you will be honored by God; you don’t need fatted calf, because your coming inheritance is not corruptible by men, you don’t need the attention of men, because your security is in Christ, and you don’t need to be celebrated by men, because you are celebrated by God. Those seemingly unfair experiences have deepened, enriched, and chosen you to be the ONE that inherits your Father’s heart, wealth, and kingdom. What looks unfair today will become tomorrow’s greatest revelation of God’s favor, faithfulness, and fortitude in your life!!!

Lots of love,

Toyin O.

Thursday, October 13, 2011

IS IT TOO LATE?

I can not believe how late it is, how long have I been sleeping, why is it so dark in here, It must be at least 7pm. It looks like it is dark outside, I just wanted a power nap for one or two hours, but how could I have been sleeping for nine hours. As I roll out of bed, I look at the bed side alarm and my fear is confirmed, it is almost 8pm. I get up and scramble for the light switch. I am feeling a little groggy as I make my way into my little kitchenette. I can not believe I just threw away my entire day. I am feeling a little disappointed, a little indolent, and a little non-ambitious as my mind run thru all the things I was suppose to accomplish today, but my over sleepiness have robbed me of that. I was looking forward to the delectable lunch I was going to have earlier, but now I have to settle for my non-appetizing frozen dinner as I am just too tired to cook. Oh my goodness, I was also suppose to go to the hair salon, but it is obviously too late now. I can always go to the salon and accomplish my other goals tomorrow, but then I would not have enough time to finish what I need to do. As I reluctantly eat my dinner, I suddenly wake up. I realize then that it was just a dream. I have only been sleeping for two hours. It is only one pm and I can still get a lot done. I quickly roll out of bed and get ready to go out. I am undoubtedly grateful for a second chance to re-live my day.

That dream certainly reminds me of the unusual seasons we sometimes find ourselves as believers. Moments we look at our numerous limitations and conclude it is too late to fulfill our calling. We look at how we have missed the mark; or those things we have done in the past; the vastness of our struggle; our numerous mistakes; how much damage has already been done; how it is just too hard to fix things; how we lack resources, finances, and support; the seemingly greener pastures of our neighbor; and assume it is just too late to finish the race set before us. We allow our age, finances, experiences, people’s opinion, and uncontrollable factors to stop us from what is still very much attainable. We let regrets or self pity overwhelm us. We begin to reach for those bland, non- nutritious, and growth stunting frozen food that have been stored up for forever. We go back to those things that should have been thrown away, that is past expiration, and that can not satisfy the kind of hunger God put in our soul. We start making alternate plans for our tomorrow; we reschedule, postpone, and rearrange those things that God ordained for today. Thankfully, as the presence of God awakens our spirit to HIS liberating truth; our eyes are supernaturally opened to see the aliveness of Jesus in our hearts and to realize it is never too late to enter into God’s perfect plan. When we rely on the strength of our God, there is always still time to start over, to fix what is broken, to live in the power of God, to walk away from those chains, to come clean of your past, to do what is right, and to stand for something, so you won’t fall for anything.

Pharaoh once dreamt that seven healthy kines eating in the meadow was subsequently eaten by seven skinny and unhealthy kines. He then had another dream in which seven full ears were also devoured by seven thin ears. Joseph was able to interpret these dreams to be seven years of prosperity followed by seven years of famine. Joseph suggested goods should be stored from those good years to make up for the seven years of famine. Egypt subsequently became the land that all starving neighboring nations came too when the seven years of famine struck.

I can imagine just how real Pharaoh’s dream felt as he watched those seven fat kines eating the seven skinny ones. It must have been terrifying to see those skinny kines were still hungry after eating the seven fat ones. The skinny kines probably turned around, noticed Pharaoh was watching them, and was likely about to have the king for dinner, when he woke up in a pool of sweat. It must have been a relief to know it was just a dream and he was not going to be eaten. It must have been great to get a second chance outside of his dream to prepare for those dangerous seven kines. He now had time to put the right man, right plan, and right resources in place. He had time to prepare his subjects for the seven years of blessings that was coming and more importantly, for the seven years of famine that will follow. This preparation made Egypt a place everyone could find food to stay alive in their famished season. If we have also experienced actual or real nightmares in any area of our lives, we can be assured that God will awaken our spirit to the reality of his truth. We will find the grace, strength, and provisions for every famished area, season, or place we find ourselves. No matter how terrifying, troubling, and disturbing our experiences have been, we will be given a second chance to prepare for what is ahead of us. The richness, fullness, and goodness of Christ have, is, and will prepare us for whatever season we are about to face. Your years of walking, trusting, and knowing Jesus have already filled your cup to overflow. You are fully prepared, equipped, and ready for that new season, undertaking, project, career, ministry, and life that God is about to lead you into. Everyone in your world will find food for their famished souls in your presence. Trust that it is not too late for you, but the height of God’s faithfulness, favor, and greatness is about to be revealed!!!

Lots of Love,

Toyin O.

Thursday, October 6, 2011

WHO ARE YOU TALKING TOO?

It is somewhat entertaining to watch the expression of people on their cell phones; from the Bermuda short wearing, petite Caucasian man, jovially agreeing with his friend about some business deal; to the lady that gloomily listens to whomever she is talking too; to the old man smiling as he is conversing with someone on his invisible cell phone; to the middle age lady that sadly glances in my direction as she continues her conversation; to the sweat shirt wearing, balding man, who is speaking really fast in a foreign language as he hurriedly walks down the escalator; to the professional looking man that seem to be angry at the person he is conversing with; to the teenage girl, giggling with someone on her phone; to the sporty looking girl that looks somewhat distressed as she listens to someone; to the Rastafarian looking man that just said something is too expensive; to the bald headed Asian man that seem so serious as he ends his conversation with someone; to the construction worker, quietly receiving instruction from someone on his phone; to the pony tail wearing Hispanic man that seem to be having a sobering conversation with someone; to the petite, middle age lady, who is sadly staring at the floor as she listens to someone on her phone; to the seemingly frustrated Middle Eastern lady, explaining something to someone in her native tongue; and finally, to the attractive man that seem peeved at someone as he glances in my direction.

I wonder what kind of conversation these people were having that was causing the wide range of emotions. What decision was making that Caucasian man so happy; or making the lady so gloomy; or making the man so angry; or that middle age woman so sad; or the teenage girl so giggly; or the Middle Eastern lady so frustrated. It certainly reminds of the conversations I have had with various people in the past. Conversations that have left me angry, upset, and behaving unseemly; or conversations that have made me sad, despondent, and frustrated; or conversations that have made me questions my faith, belief, and God himself; or conversations that were troubling, disturbing, and distressing; or conversations that caused me to dwell on my weakness, failures, and inabilities; or conversations that are religiously camouflaged that have left me wondering about decisions, choices, paths, and the plans God has for my life; conversations that have left me confused, paranoid, and unhappy. I have also had immeasurable uplifting, engaging, laugh out loud, and purposeful dialogues. These conversations reminded me who I am in Christ, HIS sufficient grace in my weakness, and his ultimate purpose for my life. However, my best conversations have always been with the ONE with the right words to shatter every lie that I allowed my ears to listen too and my heart to embrace. In HIS presence, I find clarity for my confusion, peace for my rampant storm, truth that sets me free, faith to face my tomorrow, strength to fight my giants, and joy that my trials can never steal. If a conversation have left you upset, despondent, and doubtful; come to the presence of the ONE, who knows you before you were formed in your mother’s womb, and knows how to satisfy every need, hope, desire, and void in your life.


After the men of Israel saw Goliath, they all fled. David courageously asked why Goliath should defy the army of the living God. His eldest brother, Eliab, heard his courageous words and got angry at David, asking why he came down to the battle field. Eliab scolded David for neglecting the sheep in the wilderness and accused him of pride, laziness, naughtiness, forwardness, and wanting to see the battle. David responded that he came to the battle field for a cause. The courageous words of David were heard by the King. Saul sent for David, and after a convincing argument, David was sent to kill the giant. David subsequently slays Goliath; this victory brought him prominence in Israel.

I wonder what was going on in David’s mind as he listened to his brother go on and on. It is interesting how Eliab sounded like he was sure of what he was talking about; or like he was an expert on David’s character, personality, and thoughts; or like he knew what was best for David; or sounded like a voice of authority because he was his eldest brother. However, in spite of how convincing Eliab sounded, the voice of the God that gave him many victories in the past resonated louder that the condemning voice of his brother. A conversation that should have discouraged him, lowered his self esteem, killed his confidence, and lessened his faith; actually allowed him to stand up to his brother and defend a cause that was greater than his brother’s opinion. Instead of letting his brother’s presumptions to determine his action, path, and future; he allowed his experience with God to remind him he was born for a cause greater than people’s unsubstantiated accusations, preposterous opinions, wrong assumptions, and false conclusions. Thank God, he did not listen to someone that almost sounded like a voice of reason, authority, and truth. He probably would not have won a victory that brought the prominence that eventually led to his royal position. We should also be very careful when we enter our various battle fields and start hearing condemning voices, masked as voice of reason, truth, spirituality, and even authority in our lives. We should be mindful when conversations condemns us, belittle us, kills our confidence, directs our attention to our weakness, reminds us of our failures, and accuses us falsely. In moments like these, we must reach down to those glorious experiences we already had with our Savior that have undoubtedly prepared us for the battle ahead. We can confidently declare that our presence in the battle field is for a cause much bigger than ourselves. Our faith will bring us to presence of the Kings of Kings. Our experience coupled with faith will bring down those giants in our minds, relationships, ministries, careers, homes, and every other relevant area. Our resounding victory will also bring us prominence, fame, status, and royalty. When we talk to the ONE, who promises our experience with HIM gives us hope, and hope will never make us ashame; we are never afraid to take down giants, fight for divine causes, triumphantly win battles , and victoriously take spoils for HIS kingdom!!!

Lots of Love,

Toyin O.